For the first seven weeks after Covey training there was a different theme. I had been ignoring those the last few weeks because there were some things surrounding becoming a more effective person I wanted to discuss. But this week I will discuss the 6th week's theme, synergy, and a surprising outcome.
The 7 habits contract suggests this week to pick an issue at work or at home home—a small one you can effectively address in one meeting. For example, at your job, you might work with others to speed up a process, cut costs on an activity, or resolve a resource issue. At home, you could work with family members to complete a household project or find ways to save money.
I'm part of an innovation group at work. We're searching for new, more effective ways to create training, as well as streamline the processes already in place. One of the things that had been suggested to my supervisor at a recent training by Dan Pink is to look into the use of Manga, Japanese style cartooning, as a training medium because it it is spreading across America like wildfire (if you haven't notice I'm weaving a wilfire metaphor throughout this blog because it was concieved during a wildfire) and it's also an effective way to represent a lot of information on a page. I was put in charge of a group to explore this. Above is the first example of what I produced using a Manga creation application called TOKYOPOP Manga Creator.
I was in shock and very pleasantly surprised at the assignment. When I was offered a job in the corporate world I had basically given up being creative in the way I was before -- creating graphic art, animations, videos, and cartoons. Now I find I can find a creative space in the corporate world. In researching Dan Pink a little more I discovered these videos that mirror my own feelings about how a creative approach to work in our "post-information age" world. However, after years of struggling to make a living I was willing to give up the life of a creative in order to support my family. Now I find I not only don't have to, I should have never considered it in the first place.
This week did return to exercising, though not every day. Had an "ah ha" moment when I realized (re-realized) the whole reason you select big rocks each week is to actually put them on your schedule (duh). So I resolved the following week I'd make sure I would do that.
In a previous post I talked about cluttered mind = cluttered environment in reference to people who have cluttered homes. I agreed, but also thought it a glib simplification. Here's a deeper exploration -- one of the things that does clutter our minds and manifests itself in a "cluttered" emotional life is when we hold grudges or find ourselves unable to forgive and forget past wrongs. These festering inner wounds cloud our judgements and can cause us to make choices that ruin our chances to live a joyful productive life. I found this article about it:
In a series of studies, Sandra Murray of the University of Buffalo and John Holmes of the University of Waterloo in Ontario have shown that people often idealize their partners, overestimating their strengths and playing down their flaws.
This typically involves a blend of denial and touch-up work — seeing jealousy as passion, for instance, or stubbornness as a strong sense of right and wrong. But the studies have found that partners who idealize each other in this way are more likely to stay together and to report being satisfied in the relationship than those who do not.
“The evidence suggests that if you see the other person in this idealized way, and treat them accordingly, they begin to see themselves that way, too,” Dr. Murray said. “It draws out these more positive behaviors.”
One of the best examples of this in art is the play/movie "Man of La Mancha" Dulcenea scene based on Cervantes', Don Quixote. Don Quixote refuses to see Dulcenea for what she it, a woman of ill repute. Instead he idealizes her; in the end bringing out the best in her character. The play didn't make this easy. She was brutally raped right after Don Quixote sang the Dulcena ballad. Don Quixote himself seemed to give up his quest after being beat down time and time again, re-embracing it only in the final moments of his life.
Despite it's schmaltzy romanticism (or because of it) this song has always had real meaning for me because it's romanticism maintained in the face of harsh reality. The refusal to give in to cynicism even when feeling battered and betrayed.
The burning question is: how do we make this ideal a reality?
The potential return of Devil Winds didn't materialize in San Diego. However, they did in Malibu, where more houses were destroyed in the last two days than during last month's fires. We did have a minor incident near Ramona, but crews and equipment were on hand and it was quickly put out. We were prepared here, but not as well in Malibu, though they did put out the fire quickly. It seems lessons were learned, but we'll see if they stay learned.
With the combination of having a major deadline due and the Thanksgiving Holiday I didn't make my exercise goals, but I am finding it much easier to plan my week. The weekly planning and daily reassessment is now becoming a habit. I also checked more lingering items off my to do list and we have been able to clear two more rooms of clutter. Bottom line: I backslid on exercise and advanced in other areas.
One of the reasons I didn't make my early morning exercise goals is I stayed up late more than one evening working on various projects for work and the courses I teach, when perhaps I didn't need to. One of my team mates observed, "You seem uncomfortable writing the High Level Design." I was. When I feel that way about something I tend to slow a process way down until I can get a handle on it. This is a good habit when trying to master unfamiliar things, but not conducive to making deadlines. She simply plunged in, wrote some of the design work, then sent me what she did to help me get started. It did jump start me and I finished the work on time. I was still up late, but didn't have to pull the all-nighter I expected. I need to get to the point where I simply plunge in without hesitation, too.
If It Weren't for the Last Minute However, my normal modus operandi is to think allot about what I need to do, make some stabs at it around the edges, then, just before it's due, scramble to finish. I really want to develop the habit of working ahead and pacing myself. I usually have to trick myself into doing this by making incremental deadlines for parts of a project before the final deadline. When I worked in advertising I had a sign on my bulletin board that read, "If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done." I just have to make some mental adjustments about when the last minute arrives.
Consistency Doing things consistently seems to be the real difficulty for us all. Often it takes an outside event or someones intervention to wake us up. For instance, the rap on the SD Chargers this season is they are inconsistent, brilliant one quarter, terrible the next. Because of their embarrassing losses team members are soul-searching and finding the cause in the mirror. Recently Mike Huckabee, presidential candidate, has been talking about his 100 lb. weight loss. He said his constant stabs at yo-yo dieting resulted in his weight going up, not down. It took a embarrassing event -- he collapsed a chair at a public committee meeting -- to finally force him to make the needed changes. The Palestinians and Isrealis don't have the determination to make peace yet themselves, they need outside intervention or a crisis to bring them to the peace table. Apparently the crisies or interventions haven't worked yet. We have to wait for a series of natural disasters and the melting of icecaps before we do something about global warming, or even admit it exits. Fires have to knock on our doors before we come up with better prevention methods.
Consistency is one of most desired business practices as well. It's what Six Sigma is all about. More on that in a future post.
I'm reminded of the old joke: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: One. But the light bulb has to want to change.
Do I want to change enough yet? Do we want to change enough yet? Time will tell.
Appreciation
In order to be motivated to change and make greater efforts on the job, or whatever we do, an important ingredient is expressing praise or appreciation. With that in mind I participated in two activities this week centered on appreciation.
My son and I marched in the Mother Goose Parade on Sunday with his boy scout troop carrying a big banner thanking the firefighters. Then Thursday was, of course, Thanksgiving Day. A day to reflect on what we should be thankful for.
My son got an extra lesson in being thankful by volunteering to help serve Thanksgiving meals to the homeless. He's led a sheltered life in our home and has not yet been that exposed to the less fortunate. All the servers had to wear the same clothes, long sleeved white dress shirt, black pants and black dress shoes. The reason for the dress code is to show respect to the people they were serving. They may be poor, but they all deserve to be treated with dignity. He came home a little subdued from the experience, but with a new appreciation for what he has.
After Thanksgiving The Saturday after Thanksgiving I took my son and one of his classmates to the local mall to see the 3D version of Beowulf. Walking from my car to the theater I saw two of my ex-high school students. They were both very happy to see me and they seemed to be doing well. They both asked the same thing, "Mr. Dean, where is my DVD." I created a DVD of the best work the students did last school year, but haven't printed out and distributed it yet. Guess I better do that to show my appreciation for their hard work. They both made wonderful videos.
The Beowulf visuals were pretty amazing. The level of detail down to the minute facial hairs were faithfully rendered. The mo-cap animation is still not perfect, but it's getting there. 3D glasses still give me a headache, though. Can't wait for the technology that doesn't require glasses.
Appreciating the Troops If you go to this web site, www.LetsSayThanks.com; you can pick out a thank you card and Xerox will print it and it will be sent to a soldier that is currently serving in Iraq. You can't pick out who gets it, but it will go to some member of the armed services.
This week I was able to continue advancing in most areas, but did have a relapse in staying up too late and not being able to rise early to exercise. Also forgot to write the weekly compass. On the postitive side I was able to knock off more To Dos, including starting this reflective blog.
Speaking of relapses, they say the Devil Winds that brought us the wildfires could return this week, though they will be cold winter winds this time. They also discovered that nearly all the recent fires had a human cause. The electric company failed to trim trees near power lines. The high winds blew them into the branches starting the blaze. Neglect and taking short-cuts ended up affecting us all.
Related to neglecting the little things and which can result in a future crisis, we have been trying to clear clutter in our home, a thankless, tedious task. It is very hard to let go of things and set personal limits. Strangely this week on Oprah they had a segment on the Secret Life of Hoarders. Over the years a woman had accumulated 75 tons of junk in her house. She couldn't bear to part with anything. Of course, Oprah and friends helped her clean out her home, but the interesting thing was when they tried to get to the root cause so she won't repeat the behaviour. In her case she thought she may have been filling a void caused by the death of close relatives, but it was probably a deeper tendency she had her whole life. Her husband said he noticed how cluttered her room was when they were dating. Ultimately they said a cluttered mind = a cluttered environment. This is an glib answer. How do you unclutter your way of thinking when it's so deeply ingrained? It takes time and patience.
The part that really struck home was when they interviewed her husband. They asked why he didn't put his foot down. There were two reasons: 1. it happened so gradually over time that it simply became the way they lived their lives, 2. he didn't want to drive a wedge between himself and his wife. This is a problem for so many of us. We want to do something about a situation, but we can't stand the thought of creating conflict. It's easier to simply withdraw into ourselves, making things worse down the road. This is called the Distancing Spiral.
Making a schedule and a To Do list is one thing. Making a fundamental change in our way of thinking (paradigms) is another oder of magnitude.
The Devil Winds will surely return. Will we be better prepared next time?
This week was my most successful week so far. Nearly every day I made my exercise goals and am checking more things off my To Do list resulting in a sense of private victory. I'm working on a public victory at work through continuing my work on the simulation project and the group search to replace/streamline ADDIE. The lastest thing I started doing with Outlook to help keep me organized was put in appointment placeholders that very breifly describe what I did during that time or what I was going to use that time to do. I didn't mark these time blocks as busy, so if someone wanted to set an appointment they would see I was free. This practice helps when I have to account for my hours each week and it helps keep me productive and focused. I understand that this is a problem for creative types in general, but it can be a real challenge when you are both a creative type and you work remotely from home. I felt incredibly productive.
The Covey/Karma Intersect This made me think about the Buddhist concept of Karma. Often Karma has a negative connotation as in "Instant Karma is Going to Get You."
Actually Karma is neutral. It can be either good or bad. It's cause and effect. Good Causes = Good Effects, Bad Causes = Bad Effects. Karma is not predetermination either. It helps explain why your life is the way it is today, but it is also a guide for self-improvement.
Good Habits Are Gonna Get You (Ahead in Life) Another way of looking at Karma is as good or bad habits. For instance daily exercise, eating healthy, good study habits, budgeting your money, planning your week, valuing friendships, expressing gratitude, not taking advantage of people, telling the truth (with the exception of white lies told for good reasons), not smoking, and even simple things like brushing your teeth can all produce good karma. When you have good habits your children tend to develop good habits. Your good habits have a positive influence on others, like relatives, friends, students and ultimately society. This is one way karma has an influence that lasts generations.
One of the "Big Rock" suggestions was our role as a friend. One of my bad habits in this area was not keeping in touch with them. So this week I put a get together with some of my friends from the high school where I used to teach on my calendar. I contacted them in advance and made it happen. We got together for happy hour Friday. It turned into one of the happiest 4 hours of my life. I changed a bad habit to a good one and now have more and closer friends as a result. Since yy company is very active with charitable causes, we also discussed writing a grant to help further their education work. If that happens my simple act of contacting some old friend can have a positive ripple effect much larger than a few laughs over Margaritas. Perhaps we can give hope and a better future to some underpriviledged students, too.
Rain Begins the Cleansing Process The Sunday after I met with my friends my wife asked if we could drive out to a local Christmas tree farm, Farmer Brown's Christmas Tree Farm. They are located in the area where the wildfires started. Even though they weren't badly effected their normal customers had been staying away. She wanted to get a tree from them to help them out.
On the way there we drove through the fire ravaged areas. We didn't see any burned homes but it felt like we were driving through a lunar landscape. Hills covered with blackened vegetation or totally barren. We did see a burned out bus. In places they were installing barriers on the hillsides so we won't wash away when the rainy season comes. We heard earlier in the day that we could get a little rain. It wouldn't be much, just enough to cleanse the air of the microscopic ash we've all been breathing the last two weeks.
We arrived at the farm, an oasis of trees surrounded by charred, rocky foothills. It took us a while to find one. Though the trees weren't badly hurt you many had the areas with sections where the pine needles had died. We finally found a nice, undamaged one and went into the house to pay.
Inside it was Christmas. They had hot cocoa and holiday snacks for customers and a room filled with lovely Christmas crafts. Another family was there. We got on the subject of Christmas caroles and before long we all broke into song, Jingle Bells. It was so strange singing a song about dashing through the snow surrounded by black ash. Sadly we heard Farmer Brown is selling his place. Our small purchase wouldn't be enough.
On the way home it started sprinkling. The cleansing had begun.
This week the smoke cleared, though the smell of ash is still in the air. Relief at surviving the wildfires was symbolized by last Sunday's Charger Game at Qualcomm. The evacuees left and the next day the 300 lb. linemen and tailgaters were brought in. The win over the Texans a chance for the community to celebrate the way it faced down disaster. Another sign of a return to normalcy was the enthusiatic return of trick-or-treaters. We had over 250 gouls, goblins, pirates and assorted others at our house. We counted the candy. The big wrinkle this year was costumes inflated by a built-in-fan, mostly Sumo wrestlers.
I celebrated my private victory of getting up early each morning and starting my day with an hour of exercise, one of my main 7 Habit goals. I also made some real progress on my to do list. There were some things I had been wanting to do for months, even years that I finally chose to do (Covey says there is time for everything we "choose" to do). Most notably, making a real start in clearing out the clutter in my office. It made a big difference looking at the week in advance and trying to schedule the most important things for both my professional and personal life first. Things seemed more balanced and doable.
Speaking of To Do Lists there's a facinating book about them by Sasha Cagen.
The 7 Habits approach also helped me be more effective at work where I started two new projects, both things where I could help innovate practices in Instructional Design. In one project we were able to sell the addition of simulations to an educational solutions, something I can help create. The second project is taking a hard look at the model we use the produce training - the ADDIE model. In fact we are hoping to "blow-up" the ADDIE model though I think a modification is more feasible.
The 7 Habits and ADDIE have a lot in common. It stands for Analysis, Design, Development, Implementation and Evaluation. These are the steps used when creating learning solutions. They are tried and true method of putting First things First. However, it can be a frustrating experience for Instructional Designer and client alike, becuase in the corporate world the ADDIE process can be long, drawn out, overburdened with needless paperwork, and tends to produce risk-adverse, cookie cutter results. We want to find more ways to put First Things Fast, as my teacher and mentor, Allison Rossett might say.
After the week of fire and exhortations to improve myself, I now have to start applying the lessons. Over the years I've made numerous attempts to be organized and effective. At times I've been successful, but have never sustained it. Things get in the way. Sometimes it's unexpected problems, or lack of determination that knocks me off course. Sometimes it's the responsibilities I've taken on. For instance, up until last June I was working as a high school teacher during the day, teaching 2-4 college courses part-time evenings, while getting my Master's Degree in Educational Technology at SDSU. People ask me how I did it. I don't know, I just did it. I developed the ability to work without sleep for days at a time. Then I would crash and burn for days at a time. I became an insomniac as a result. Unfortunately, I also took turns neglecting my family, my studies, my students, my friends, and my health while trying to do what was needed most at the moment. I felt like a firemen during the wildfires, scrambling to put out blaze after blaze -- having to decide what to save and what to let burn.
However, my great pride is pulling it off and being able to excel in the process. During this period I taught video production and multimedia at MVAS, (Multimedia and Visual Arts School). Each year my students won numerous awards for their work. In my Master's Program I maintained an A average (not straight A). I also improved my techniques in college classes I taught, while incorporating cutting edge technology. I made time to go on scout outings with my son and tried to attend as many of his sports games as possible. I couldn't do it all, but I did my best.
After this insanely busy period, I now crave taking a measured, sustainable approach to my life. This is why I decided to latch onto the 7 Habits. I need a method I can apply to help make orderly efforts, instead of running around putting out preventable fires.
I have no illusions about the 7 Habits. I understand Covey has a profit motive and there's no such thing as a quick fix. Knowing that, I decided to give 7 Habits every chance to help me be the person I want to be. The 7 Habits is simply one means to that end, not the only means. Ultimately it's my desire to win that will make the difference, not a self-improvement technique.
My Focus the First Week
My focus this week was to look at my schedule through the prism of the "big rock" roles I chose during the Covey training. I started really using Outlook as a tool. As suggested during the training, for the first time I used the notes feature to write my personal compass goals. Then I gave a lot of thought to my to do list. Well see what happens over the next 7 weeks.
I flew back home early Friday. On the approach to San Diego I saw the fire that was still burning closest to my house. There were tall blooms of smoke and you could see the tiny tongues of flame licking up the hills. Luckily, the fire was now 10-20 miles east of my home in sparsely populated areas which made me feel safer.
After they picked me up from the airport I took my family out to dinner at a restaurant near our home. In the restaurant there was a palpable atmosphere of relief and celebration. People were swapping stories and friends of ours came in and told us what they had gone through. During the fires my family had gone to the evacuation center at the Del Mar Fairgrounds. I found out my son had volunteered to help care for the evacuated horses. There were about 2,300 in the stables there.
My wife had been helping with the elderly that were brought to evacuation centers from nursing homes. Some of the elderly were forced to sit in wheelchairs for 16-18 hours and then sleep on uncomfortable cots. When ash got into their eyes they couldn't remove it easily themselves, they needed someone to administer eye drops. Many could not breathe without oxygen masks, or turn over in the cots without assistance. My wife helped do these things for them, and also helped organize and distribute the donated food.
After dinner my family drove me around the local shopping center which became a makeshift evacuation center when the local high school overflowed. Most had left, but there were still many RVs and mobile homes in the parking lot and tents pitched on the grounds around the shopping center. I spotted a man in a wheelchair being helped into one of the RVs. A YMCA athletic field behind the center had been turned into a horse corral. The heavy smell of smoke everywhere hung in the air, like a massive campfire. Evacuation workers were still on duty. You could see the food and water lined up in neat rows on the tables and message boards. Everything seemed very well organized.
The next morning I went back to the shopping center, which is about 1.5 miles from my home. I saw the fire had stopped across the street from the YMCA. At that moment I realized how close the flames had been to our home and I had a great sense of appreciation for the firefighters and other first responders. I also understood my family and the many others who helped at the evacuation centers had risen above the flames.
We learned about the Maturity Continuum. The definition of a habit as the intersection of Knowledge, Skill and Desire made a lot of sense. The tag line of the 7 Habits being "common sense organized" also struck home. However, all this was being burned in my brain against the background of wondering weather the wildfires were affecting my family. I didn't have a cell phone with me so I was at the mercy of others and felt cut off. There were moments I thought, "Why am I here? I should be home with my family." Was this a case of not putting "first things first?"
Ultimately, we came to the conclusion that there wasn't anything I could really do by coming home. Though my family was told to evacuate there was little in our home that we couldn't replace other than photos, the information on our computers and some other personal items. My wife urged me to stay where I was and get the most I could out of the training and do what I could to further my career for the sake of our son's future. That's what I did. I tried to totally engage in the training and network with my fellow employees as much as possible. Luckily my family's evacuation order was lifted after about 12 hours. They and our home were never in any real danger. Later I describe their experience during the wildfires.
Lessons in how I need to improve Since I work remotely from home I was encouraged to meet leaders in our company face-to-face whenever the opportunity presented itself. The day after our training I had set up several meetings. However, things didn't quite work out as well as I wanted. One reason was that a couple executives had last minute changes of schedule or were home sick, but the other was because I couldn't react quickly. I was caught flat footed because when I went into the office to go to my meetings and was told about the changes I didn't have a copy of my schedule with me. One of the pieces of practical advice we got from Covey Training is to make sure we not only make a good daily schedule, but we also keep it in a portable form we can carry with us. The day after hearing that advice I had ignored it and paid the price.
Another lesson came from an executive I was supposed to meet in person, but ended up meeting by phone because she was recuperating from surgery. I told her about the wildfires and she asked why I'm still there. I should have been on a plane home days ago. She insisted I catch the next possible flight home, which I did. All the way home I thought about what I had learned that week and also reflected on my attitudes toward work and family. What are the real "big rocks" in my life? The Maturity Continuum was burned in my brain by the wildfires.
My adventures establishing Covey's 7 Habits for Highly Effective People in my life. My company sent me to a three day seminar to learn "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. " Having spent most of my life being less than effective I grasped at the chance to do this. It's not so much that Covey's concepts are radical or new, they are common sense things I've tried to do in some form much of my adult working life, but I saw this as my chance to finally really make setting realistic goals and actually accomplishing them a part of my life. I wanted to finally be fully focused. I was excited about attending.
I live in San Diego County. To attend the seminar I had to fly to Charlotte, NC. The night before I left howling devil winds from the desert whipped up and reached over 70 mph. Lawn chairs and other objects were thrown against my home. Apparently, in the back county electical wires were blown down and started a brush fire. In the past our home had never been threatened so when I boarded my flight the next day I thought things would be ok, but while in flight the fire grew quickly and covered thousands of acres. It moved toward our home, covering 50 miles in 4 hours. When I arrived at my hotel about 11pm I turned on CNN and this is what I saw:
Strangely, I had seen Larry Himmel in other circumstances about one month before. His son goes to the same school as my son. He attended a parent night and was mingling with us happily chatting and picking food from a buffet. I called home and found out things were fine, but the fire was looking to be the worst ever in San Diego County. Concerns for my family and my community filled my mind when I arrived at the training site the next morning.
